I got Tessa!
I’m so excited. I did really well at the audition today. I’m extremely pleased with my performance and am even more pleased with the result. I can’t wait to start rehearsals.
This is my first music-related show and I can’t believe I landed a role! While I am happy and excited, it does make me nervous. I’ve never really done this before and it’s going to be a whole new world of performance for me to find my way around and settled into. But I’m looking forward to it.
Well, I guess it’s been quiet these past few days. Believe me, it’s not because I have nothing to write about. This Stratford course has been putting me through the ringer. That and over the course of four days I have travelled from London, to Stratford, back to London, to Toronto, then to Vancouver, back to Toronto then again Stratford and am only now finally home in London. I am tired.
Oh, and I have a call back for the Gondoliers tomorrow night which I am rather nervous for. With everything that has happened in the past week, I do not feel as prepared as I would like to be. Not only that, but I have found out that I was all mixed up about the roles I was potentially cast as. I thought it was either Tessa or Gianetta, but as it turns out it’s Tessa or Fiametta. This makes a big difference. While Tessa and Gianetta are essentially the same role with the same about of singing and stage time, Fiametta is a much, much smaller role. So I REALLY want to land Tessa now.
That said, if I don’t get Tessa, it won’t be in the end of the world. I will still be in the show. And really, this will be my first musical/operetta like show I’ve ever been in, so the fact that I’m being considered for a prominent secondary role is amazing. If I am given Fiametta, I’ll be disappointed for maybe a day or two and then move on and learn everything I can from this show and prepare for the next.
But until that happens, I’m going to practice my piece some more and keep my finger’s crossed for tomorrow night. Send me your good thoughts and I’ll update on the results when I have them.
Oh, and I have plenty to say on the topic of my Stratford course, so more on that will be coming later as well.
Yesterday was the start of my Stratford courses…and so far I am loving every minute of them. It is a jam packed schedule and as I suspected I am surrounded by amazing, talented actors.
We saw Juliua Caesar today, and what a wonderful show it was. Tomorrow, we see Macbeth with Colm Feore.
In class, we are being guided through many different exercises and techniques. I am not used to formal exercises. I have not been in a drama class since high school and my spontaneity and ability to isolate my skills into a short and focuses exercise are rather rusty. Up until now, I’ve really only learned by doing shows- by throwing myself in the deep end. I am not used to exploring technique and I must admit I feel rather oafish and clumsy right now as I try to find my voice.
I am still feeling appehensive and self-conscious about my abilities, but I’m pushing through. I refuse to let insecruities lessen this experience or take away from the learning potential.
Well, tomorrow is the big day. I start my Stratford courses tomorrow. For the next three weeks I’m going to be commuting everyday to Stratford and immersing myself in acting, theatre and Shakespeare. I’ve been looking forward to this all summer.
But… I’m terrified. This is going to be my first experience with formal acting training. I’m going to be working with students who are coming from post-secondary theatre programs and have been studying acting for years. They know what they are doing. What do I know? I know only what I’ve figure out while fumbling my way through school shows. I’m going to be putting myself out there for critique and while I’m certainly no stranger to critique, I still don’t like it. So, I’m nervous, but I’m also excited.
As with my intercession course I took earlier this summer, I have high hopes for this course. I hope to come away a better, more natural, expressive and versatile actor. I hope to learn the skills I need to bring any character to life and create engaging, provocative and genuine performances. I hope to not fall flat on my face or embarrass myself. I hope to leave feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride in my abilities.
It’s going to be a lot of work, and a lot of time, but in short I have high hopes. I’ll post more as things unfold.
Reading through some old journal entries from a few years ago, I found this one from second year.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Have you ever had one of those moments when suddenly your entire direction in life changes? Yeah, that’s happened to me! It all started because of an awesome choral conducting lecture where we were basically told that you can make a living off of conducting and that it doesn’t have to just be a hobby. I love conducting and now I learn I could make a living at it?! I’ve spent the past six years of my life convinced I was going into vocal performance and that was it…but now I don’t know what to do. Do I do the performance degree, or do I stay in the education degree?!! Gahhh!
Degree declaration and intent to registrar forms are due next week and I feel like I have to decide in the next 5 days what I’m going to do with the rest of my life!
This was followed two days later by:
Saturday, February 17, 2007
So, I’ve made a choice. I’m not going into the Performance program. I’m staying in Education. That’s that, and now I have to do all the paper work… oh, and sort out my English minor. So what do you know, it seems I can make decisions!
Reading this again, I suddenly remember the stress I felt and the confusion. I was an absolute mess. I had had a specific life plan since grade 10. I knew what I was going to do. I knew what I was going to be and I knew how I was going to do it… then it all changed. And I don’t like change. I am one of those people who likes to feel comfortable. I like to feel the ground under my feet and see the path clearly before me. I like knowing where I’m going and what I’m going to do. But then that class changed it all. It threw a wrench into my carefully laid plans.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it did. I think I made the right decision to stay in music Ed rather than try for performance. I don’t think there is a thing I regret about my undergrad experience.
Looking back, all that stress and anxiety seems so ridiculous, especially the line feel like I have to decide what I’m going to do with the rest of my life”. Very little has turned out the way I planned. Since second year, I’ve done things I never thought I would do. I’ve achieved things I never thought I would. I’ve ventured into areas of music and art that I never before considered. Would I have believed it then if someone told me I would be a published composer by the end of fourth year? Or acting in an average of three shows a year? Probably not. Why should I stress so much over plans when they inevitably change anyway.
Never mind the fact that the things I do now do not have to control my entire life’s direction. What I do now is not necessarily going to dictate what I’m going to be doing in 30 years. Sure the things I do now can opens doors to new opportunities and will shape my reputation- which is why I give my best to anything I do. I don’t burn bridges. But they do not have to determine the rest of my life.
Nor do I have to choose between being one thing or another.. I don’t have to choose between conducting and performing. If this summer has proved anything to me, it’s that I can do it all. In fact, the reality is, if I want to really make a living as an artist, I’m going to have to be more than one thing. I’m going to be a conductor, a teacher, a performer and writer…etc.
I think I’m learning to relax a little bit and be less anxious about my career path. This doesn’t mean I’m going to be lazy about it-certainly not. But I think all the worry and the pressure to choose between two supposed paths is unnecessary and misguided.
Oh and on a different note, it was interesting to have a specific date attached to one of the turning points in my career. I can now say that on Saturday, February 17, 2007, I decided whatever else I did I wanted to be a conductor. And that decision has made all the difference!
My Stratford Shakespeare courses start next week and already they are drama filled…and not in the good way. I’ve been struggling to manage the schedule of the two courses, Voice & Text and Shakespeare in Performance, with the two family weddings that are happing at the very same time. One wedding is in Vancouver, the other in Toronto. Needless to say, neither of those two places is London or Stratford. I’m going to be running all over the country for three weeks. I’ve been trying to find a way to minimize the number of days I am away from my courses and attend as many of the wedding events as I can.
It’s driving me crazy. I have been looking forward to these courses for months now. They represent a huge opportunity for me to grow as an actor. At the same time I’ve also been looking forward to these two weddings for nearly a year now and absolutely can not miss them (especially since I’m singing in one of them). This is the first time that two equally important and fantastic events have clashed in my life. I’m not sure I’ve ever been put in this situation of having to choose or struggle to satisfy two equal opportunities. It’s also the first time that my career and my family life have been at odds, and I don’t much like the feeling.
How do I choose between the art I love and the people I love? I like it much better when the two happily land together. Sigh.
But at any rate, I think I’ve found a reasonable solution. It’s not ideal. I’m still going to miss two days of classes, including the opening performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream and a backstage production/design workshop. And I won’t be able to attend all the wedding events I want. But I will be there for the important ones. I’m also going to be travelling all over the country and in a constant state of motion. I’m not sure when I’m going to get to rest, but I doubt it will be until after these courses are done. But I’m still so excited and I’m young; I have all the energy in the world to be in three different places at once.
I can’t wait for next week. As with the intercession course I took in May, I know I’m going to have the chance to process and explore my art like I’ve never done before and I so excited.
The show’s been down for over a week now and I’m only just starting to sort through the photos. Here are a couple of the set. What I like
the most is that the final result actually does look like my sketches. It’s always my primary fear when I attempt something like this. I think, “Well, I can draw it, but can I make it?” And it turns out in this case I could and that’s a nice little pat on the back.
However, once again I say if ever I fall into thinking that sewing will be easier and quicker than painting, just hang me out the window by my ankles. Below is a photo of me sewing right up until the ninth hour on dress rehearsal day. It was hot, sunny, I was sick of sewing and still had a laundry list of finishing details to take care of. Thank goodness I had an on-th
e-spot recruit in the form of my mother who’d only come to see the show and instead wound up with a needle in her hand and a 12 meter hem to sew. Sigh, poor woman.
Anyway, it all turned out wonderfully in the end. I’m quite pleased and proud of the results.
After a few days away from the show I’ve had some time to let everything settled in. I’ve had the chance to look back at everything and judge things in a way not possible while I was in the throws of everything. I’ve realized that while the role I was given to play resembled nothing close to anything I’d ever played in the past, it was for that ever reason that they were good characters for me to play.
I have had very little experience with comedy. even in comedic plays, I’ve usually played straight characters. I don’t consider myself funny and have always been intimidated by parts that require me to be. I also have never been good at accents or over the top caricatures. These were the qualities that I was required to embody for two of my four roles. And it is for those reasons that playing The Pedant and The Lord was so good for me.
I really struggled. I haven’t put so much time and effort into a character for a long while. I spent three weeks solid working on my upper class English twit accent. Most of that time was spent pacing my living room, speaking aloud and sounding like an idiot (I sincerely apologize to my housemates). However, I found the Pedant the most difficult role and still I feel as if I could have done better with him. There was something about playing an unwitting poor, dim witted yet endearing pawn in someone else’s game that I found exceedingly difficult to play.
But as I said these roles were good for me to play because they were out of my comfort zone. They forced me to try new things.
