Alice’s Adventures in an Arts Career

I just received an offer of admissions from the School of Music at Memorial University for their graduate program in choral conducting.  I’m not sure I really have the right words to describe how I feel right now.  All I can say is that I legitimately cried when I read the letter.  I feel so happy and relieved and validated and excited and scared and proud and shocked and a whole bunch of other emotions that I’m still trying to sifted apart.  But above all else I am happy.

Truth be told, this whole application and audition process which started last October and took me to both ends of the country has been a nightmare.  I truly would never wish the amount of stress, anxiety, fear and self doubt that I experienced on anyone and I never want to have to do this again (though something tells me I will one way or another).

But it’s all over for now and after months of rejection and failure I finally have what I set out to get.  I am so proud and astonished with myself that I actually went and achieved something that I’ve been talking about for several years now.  I realize the work has only just begun.  I haven’t even started school and this process will not truly be complete until I finish the maters degree.  But this is the first big step and it was the goal of the entire past year. It makes me feel so good to know that I accomplished it.

I’m right now in the warm fuzzy stage were I can bask in the glow of this wonderful achievement.  I don’t yet have to start worrying about how I’m going to move out to St. John’s or where I’m going to live or any of those details.  I am just going to enjoy this feeling for a little while before those inevitable stresses and anxieties take over.

This is what I wanted. Memorial is where I want to be and now I get to do it. I am so happy.

What a concert. Vox Humana’s performance yesterday was more than I could have ever asked for.  I was so happy with they were able to produce.  I was on such a blissful choral high all afternoon.  It still amazes me how, despite the myriad troubles and anxieties leading up to any performance things always seem to come together in the end.  And that’s exactly what happened yesterday.

It seems this choir is forever to be pressed for rehearsal time.  What with sickness, school work, conferences and family obligations, it’s a marvel that we can meet even once a week, and even then our rehearsal numbers often don’t reflect the full membership numbers.  The last two weeks before the concert were mayhem.  I was in and out of London doing my grad school audition, then we had the Easter weekend on top of a slew of illnesses and graduate conferences.  All this left us scrambling to reschedule extra rehearsals.  Our final rehearsal was the day before the concert and even after that two hour session there were ragged ends in our program.

But on Sunday afternoon, we all dressed up in bright colours, put on our nice shoes  and showed up early at the beautiful Windermere on the Mount Chapel.  With refreshed voices and the potent mix of preshow excitement and anxiety we threw everything we had into our dress rehearsal.

I wasn’t exactly worried.  I had my game plan ready.  I knew exactly what I wanted to fix and how I was going to fix it.  However, it wasn’t until they sang “Rauha” and I heard what they made of the piece that I knew we would be okay and were ready to give a performance.  And it was a stunning performance.  It was the best I’ve ever heard them sing and I felt so proud.

We performed “If Thou Wilt, Remember” with Josh on the alto saxophone as our closer.  It was the highlight of the concert.  It felt so good to be conducting that piece and to feel it in my hands.  Nearly a year ago I was submitting it for publication and now here I was conducting it with my own choir.  It felt good.

And now I have some serious post show blues.  Choir is over for the summer and I feel as if I have nothing left to do.  This of course is not really true since I’m always finding myself something new to contribute my talents to.  However, it is possible I will never conduct Vox again.  I may be in another city in the fall and while studying at Memorial is the dream I do desperately want to come true, leaving Vox will be difficult.

I was nervous taking over Vox.  I was not sure I would be able to fill Tim’s shoes.  I wasn’t sure I knew how to keep the group together, or that I would know how to run rehearsals or organize concerts or all the endless little details and jobs that being director required of me.  And it has been trying.  Every now and then the anxiety that I wasn’t doing it right would overwhelm me and I was sure it would all fall apart.  But it didn’t, and we got through and I am so relieved and proud and happy and exhausted.  And I want to it again.

It was a wonderful concert and I’m so proud of what we did.  I’m so happy for the choir and I hope they enjoyed themselves as much as I did.

This Sunday is The Vox Humana Chamber Choir Concert.  It’s been a long road preparing for this event, but things are really coming together now and I’m looking forward to the performance.

Most notably, we will be performing my published work “If Thou Wilt, Remember”.  This won’t be the world premier of the piece since the Toronto Waldorf School high school choir sang it back in February.  However, this will be the London (Ontario) Premiere and it will be the first time I will have conducted it in performance.  We had our first rehearsal with the instrumental solo this evening.  The part will be played by Josh Morrison on the alto sax.  Josh was the one whole initially helped me way back when I was first writing the piece by giving me advice about wind instrument writing.  He was instrumental (pun intended) in the eventually end product of a good, playable and satisfying instrumental part.  I originally wrote it for soprano sax but later switch it to oboe…a decision that Josh is still trying to convince me was a mistake and is on something of a campaign to win me over to the alto sax.  I won’t lie, this evening he made a very good case.

Anyway, there will be plenty of other great piece on the program including Healey Willan’s “Rise up my Love”, several saucy madrigals, some Elgar and some Palestrina.  It should be a wonderful afternoon.

Date: Sunday, April 11th

Time: 3 pm

Location: Windermere on the Mount Chapel, 1486 Richmond Street

Tickets: Adult- $10, Student/Senior- $8.

If you have the time come on out and support us.  It will be a delightful afternoon concert.

I am cautiously hopeful.  The audition went very well and I received some very encouraging and positive feedback that lead me to believe I have a good chance.  But I’m trying not to build my hopes up too much.  I’ve had the rug pulled out from underneath me too many times these past few months for me to set myself up for another tumble.

The choir was stunning.  Just stunning.  I was amazed at how responsive they were, though I suppose I should have expected it from such a fine and high caliber group.  Their responsivness and dynamic sensitivity was so precise that it took me a few moments to adjust.  It was like getting the feel for a new clutch.  I had to figure out how much exaggeration or subtly in my gesture effected the choir.  It was such a pleasure to conduct them.

The written exams went much better than my previous attempts, though I would like to go back simply because I felt I could have done more.

The agonizing part now is the waiting.  I was supposed to hear by the end of this week, however the announcement has been pushed until the beginning of next week.  I’m getting rather antsy.  I keep checking my e-mail obsessively and running the events of that day over and over in my head wondering if I did enough.

So, keep your fingers crossed for me.  I really want this one.  I loved every second being out there and I’d love to live there.  And I feel so close… tangibly close and yet not quite.  It’s driving me nuts.