Alice’s Adventures in an Arts Career

I finished choir auditions this week and I have been surprised and pleased by the turn out.  Barring any unforeseen disasters, we have a choir!  We could still use a couple more singers, epically tenors and an extra base perhaps, but we certainly can mange with what we have.

I’m excited by the diversity of people and musical experiences represented in this year’s group.  True to our mission statement, we really do have people from different styles of music and different experiences.  Of course, that does present a challenge in combining all these perspectives into one cohesive choir, but it’s a challenge I’m thrilled to take on.

We also have our new Assistant Director.  Her name is Anna.  She sang soprano with us last year.  We had a very good sit down meeting this afternoon to discuss the future plans for the choir and I feel really good about some of the things we were talking about.  There are thoughts of doing a competition, increasing our number of performances and expanding our audience base well beyond the music faculty and university.  I think she and I will work well together.

I am nervous about taking the lead with this choir.  I hope I can live up to the president that was set last year by Tim.  But I’m can’t wait to work with this group of people.  I really sensed from each and everyone an excitement for choir.

So, on the eve of season two of The Vox Humana Chamber Choir, I am nervous, excited but I think I’m ready.  Everything is laid out, everything is planned and it’s all set to go.

Slowly, but surely, Vox Humana is coming together.  It’s been a lot of work and a lot of advertising and foot work, but I’m slowly getting the interest from te people I need.  I’ve had a few people express interest in the Assistant Conductor’s position as well as some interest in accompanying.  I’ve found a couple more members, though I’m still terribly low in tenors and basses (oh, the eternal lament of every amateur choir director the world over).

But even still, there is still more to do and things are still a little too up in the air for my comfort.  I’m still terrified it’s all going to come crashing down.

Well, nothing I can do but keep working, and keep flogging the choir to the general community. There are more posters to post, there are more libraries and music schools to hit up, there are more people to talk to and twist arms.

Sigh, I just wish someone could wave a magic wand and poof just hand me a fully balanced 20 member choir, an accompanist and an assistant director. But I guess that’s not likely to happen. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to be like the little red hen and do it myself.

I have some wonderful news.  I’ve been accepted into the Noisy Mime Theatre company.  It’s a community theatre company here in London.  They do several shows each year.  I haven’t yet been cast in anything, however since I’m currently in “The Gondoliers”, I won’t be until I’m finished with that show.

The best and most surprising part is that it’s a paying company.  I had no idea but I am over the moon with excitement.  I don’t know how much, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t very much, but that’s not the point.  The point is I can actually be paid to do theatre.

I know it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it is still astonishing to me whenever someone offers to pay me to do what I love to do.  Because to be honest, I’d do it for free, and have been quite happily.  But this little step makes me feel just a little more confident and assured that I’ll be able to make things work out in the end and that as long as I keep putting myself out there and pushing I’ll get to keep on doing the things that I love to do.

This week, I made a huge effort to get as many Vox things organized as possible. I’ve set choir rehearsal times and booked our rehearsal space for the entire year.  I’ve put up various posters for choir auditions,  Assistant Director auditions and pianist wanted posters all over the UWO campus and the surrounding. I also went home and raided my fathers choir music collection as well as my church music collection for new repertoire.  I finally finished my repertoire research and now  have two concerts  completely programed (more or less).  I’m excited.  I have some wonderful and challenging pieces planned for this year that I think the choir and audiences are going to really enjoy.

So, here’s my fear- that after all this work and all my excitement and anticipation at being the primary conductor of Vox this year, that we won’t get the number of chorister we need, or we don’t find an accompanist and will have to cancel the season.  I am really worried that people won’t come out and join the choir and since several members from last year have had to back out this year for various reasons, we need new members.  It’s a worry that has been at the back of my mine for a while. I would be so up set if we had to cancel.  I’ve been looking forward to another season of Vox Humana and as I’ve posted before, this choir has meant so much to me.  I have learned so much about conducting, choirs, music and ensemble work through this choir and I’ve had the most amazing fun while doing it.  The primary reason I decided to stay in London after my graduation was the chance at another year of Vox.  Depending on how things pan out in the next couple years, I wouldn’t be surprised if this choir kept me in London for at least another two years.

However, the one thing my fear has given me is the drive to do everything in my power to make sure that we do indeed have another season.  I’ll be putting posters up everywhere and twisting arms and bribing and everything else I can to recruit new members, find an accompanist and have another amazing year of Vox Humana Chamber Choir.

If you would like to audition for the Vox Human Chamber Choir, we are holding quick easy auditions on Sept 9th & 10th from 5:oo pm-7:00 pm at the Don Wright Faculty of Music. Weekly rehearsal will be on Saturday from 2:30-4:30 pm at the Music Faculty.

Also, we are looking for a new Assistant Director.  Auditions will be Saturday Sept 29th or at a later date in September for those who can’t make the August date.

Lastly, we are in need of an accompanist.

If you are interested in any of these opportunities, please contact me at vox.humana.choir@hotmail.com

Well, I guess it’s been quiet these past few days.  Believe me, it’s not because I have nothing to write about.  This Stratford course has been putting me through the ringer.  That and over the course of four days I have travelled from London, to Stratford, back to London, to Toronto, then to Vancouver, back to Toronto then again Stratford and am only now finally home in London.  I am tired.

Oh, and I have a call back for the Gondoliers tomorrow night which I am rather nervous for. With everything that has happened in the past week, I do not feel as prepared as I would like to be.  Not only that, but I have found out that I was all mixed up about the roles I was potentially cast as.  I thought it was either Tessa or Gianetta, but as it turns out it’s Tessa or Fiametta.  This makes a big difference.  While Tessa and Gianetta are essentially the same role with the same about of singing and stage time, Fiametta is a much, much smaller role.  So I REALLY want to land Tessa now.

That said, if I don’t get Tessa, it won’t be in the end of the world.  I will still be in the show.  And really, this will be my first musical/operetta like show I’ve ever been in, so the fact that I’m being considered for a prominent secondary role is amazing.  If I am given Fiametta, I’ll be disappointed for maybe a day or two and then move on and learn everything I can from this show and prepare for the next.

But until that happens, I’m going to practice my piece some more and keep my finger’s crossed for tomorrow night.  Send me your good thoughts and I’ll update on the results when I have them.

Oh, and I have plenty to say on the topic of my Stratford course, so more on that will be coming later as well.

Well, tomorrow is the big day.  I start my Stratford courses tomorrow.  For the next three weeks I’m going to be commuting everyday to Stratford and immersing myself in acting, theatre and Shakespeare.  I’ve been looking forward to this all summer.

But… I’m terrified.  This is going to be my first experience with formal acting training.  I’m going to be working with students who are coming from post-secondary theatre programs and have been studying acting for years.  They know what they are doing.  What do I know?  I know only what I’ve figure out while fumbling my way through school shows.  I’m going to be putting myself out there for critique and while I’m certainly no stranger to critique, I still don’t like it. So, I’m nervous, but I’m also excited.

As with my intercession course I took earlier this summer, I have high hopes for this course.  I hope to come away a better, more natural, expressive and versatile actor.  I hope to learn the skills I need to bring any character to life and create engaging, provocative and genuine performances.   I hope to not fall flat on my face or embarrass myself.  I hope to leave feeling a sense of accomplishment and pride in my abilities.

It’s going to be a lot of work, and a lot of time, but in short I have high hopes.   I’ll post more as things unfold.

Reading through some old journal entries from a few years ago, I found this one from second year.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Have you ever had one of those moments when suddenly your entire direction in life changes? Yeah, that’s happened to me! It all started because of an awesome choral conducting lecture where we were basically told that you can make a living off of conducting and that it doesn’t have to just be a hobby.  I love conducting and now I learn I could make a living at it?! I’ve spent the past six years of my life convinced I was going into vocal performance and that was it…but now I don’t know what to do. Do I do the performance degree, or do I stay in the education degree?!! Gahhh!

Degree declaration and intent to registrar forms are due next week and I feel like I have to decide in the next 5 days what I’m going to do with the rest of my life!

This was followed two days later by:

Saturday, February 17, 2007

So, I’ve made a choice. I’m not going into the Performance program. I’m staying in Education. That’s that, and now I have to do all the paper work… oh, and sort out my English minor. So what do you know, it seems I can make decisions!

Reading this again, I suddenly remember the stress I felt and the confusion.  I was an absolute mess.  I had had a specific life plan since grade 10.  I knew what I was going to do.  I knew what I was going to be and I knew how I was going to do it… then it all changed.  And I don’t like change.  I am one of those people who likes to feel comfortable.  I like to feel the ground under my feet and see the path clearly before me.  I like knowing where I’m going and what I’m going to do. But then that class changed it all.  It threw a wrench into my carefully laid  plans.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it did.  I think I made the right decision to stay in music Ed rather than try for performance.  I don’t think there is a thing I regret about my undergrad experience.

Looking back, all that stress and anxiety seems so ridiculous, especially the line feel like I have to decide what I’m going to do with the rest of my life”. Very little has turned out the way I planned.  Since second year, I’ve done things I never thought I would do.  I’ve achieved things I never thought I would.  I’ve ventured into areas of music and art that I never before considered.  Would I have believed it then if someone told me I would be a published composer by the end of fourth year? Or acting in an average of three shows a year?  Probably not.  Why should I stress so much over plans when they inevitably change anyway.

Never mind the fact that the things I do now do not have to control my entire life’s direction.  What I do now is not necessarily going to dictate what I’m going to be doing in 30 years.  Sure the things I do now can opens doors to new opportunities and will shape my reputation- which is why I give my best to anything I do.  I don’t burn bridges.  But they do not have to determine the rest of my life.

Nor do I have to choose between being one thing or another..  I don’t have to choose between conducting and performing.  If this summer has proved anything to me, it’s that I can do it all.  In fact, the reality is, if I want to really make a living as an artist, I’m going to have to be more than one thing.  I’m going to be a conductor, a teacher, a performer and writer…etc.

I think I’m learning to relax a little bit and be less anxious about my career path.  This doesn’t mean I’m going to be lazy about it-certainly not.  But I think all the worry and the pressure to choose between two supposed paths is unnecessary and misguided.

Oh and on a different note, it was interesting to have a specific date attached to one of the turning points in my career.  I can now say that on Saturday, February 17, 2007, I decided whatever else I did I wanted to be a conductor.  And that decision has made all the difference!

I’ve been feeling surprisingly accomplished these past few weeks.  I’ve been looking back at the developments in my artistic life that have taken place over the past two and a half months.  When I add it all up,  I’m flabbergasted at how much has changed so quickly.  In the short time since my spring term  ended and I officially finished my undergraduate requirements, I seem to have been published, landed acting and singing gigs for both the summer and the fall, uncovered a whole new dimension to my singing, gone to more auditions in one month than I ever did during my entire undergrad and generally found a new energy and enthusiasm to really put myself out there and achieve the things I want.  Add that to my already established choir, the amazing Vox Humana Chamber Singers who will be starting our second season in the fall, and things are really shaping up.

But I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I’m not used to this many things going right all at once.  Don’t get me wrong,  I’m loving the high all this good news has given me.  I love feeling like things just might work out for me after all.  But I’m not used to it.  I keep wondering what the catch is, or how long the good news can last.  Years of persistent bouts of self-doubt and criticism have taken their toll on my perception of my abilities.  But then I have also come to realize that I am not used to so many things going right because until now I have not taken the risks.  As I said before, this past term, and especially in the past two months, I’ve put myself out and actively gone after the things I want.   Before, I avoided things like that, convinced I wasn’t good enough and definitely afraid of the inevitable rejection I was certain I would receive.   I went to my lessons, did my practicing and kept my head down.  I left the opportunities to those who I thought were better.  But now, somethings different.  I’m swallowing my anxiety and I’m actually going for the things I want.  And I wonder why I should feel so surprised and suspicious when I get good results.

Anyway, despite a couple blips in my self-confidence related to my singing (a situation which has since also turned around dramatically), I’ve been so excited about all the things I’m doing and the things that are still to come.  I’m feeling good.  I’m feeling artistically validated and I’m liking it.

I did an audition for a production Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Gondolier’s this evening.  It didn’t really go as well as I had hoped.  I’m not sure what happened, but in the middle of my pierce, I swear either I changed key or my accompanist did. I’m not sure, but something was very wrong and the whole thing fell apart.  We started again, but the same thing happened.  I eventually limped to the end of the piece, but sufficient to say, it was not my best performance.  I really wish I knew what went wrong.  It certainly wasn’t a matter of not being prepared.  I uses rep that I’ve known for a good 6 months now and I spent all week practicing, so I knew what I was doing.

Oh well, I guess there’s nothing I can do about it now.  On the upside my cold dramatic reading went really well and I’m usually not very good at those and my dance audition was alright.  So all I can do now it wait and see.  Though to be honest, I’m really not expecting to get in after that train wreck.  It just really annoys me because I knew the piece and I’d spent so much time working on characterization.

I’ll just file it away under the category of “experience”, hope for the best and be on the look out for the next audition.

I received a call yesterday about the audition I did for that production of Company in the fall.  As I expected, I did not get into the show.  But that’s fine.  It was more important to me that I did the audition rather than the results.  I did it just to get myself out of a slump and be a little more proactive about the things I want to achieve.  I never excepted to get in.  So, that’s one more audition under my belt and some good experience and lessons learned to take to the next one.  Beside, as it stand I’ve got plenty going on in my life right now to keep me busy and artistically engaged.  I’ll worry about the fall when it arrives.  Until then, I’ll just revel in the things I’m doing right now.